God is moving. It’s blowing my mind. Growing up in the church, you learn that God is great. But as you get older He proves it.
I was saved and speaking in tongues at 9. I was an interesting kid. Sweet but sneaky. I didn’t mind a fist fight and I was pretty good at gossip. Sure I was nine, but those were the things that were going to hinder me. I don’t care how old you are, Jesus Saves!
Over the years life has given me many challenges. I’ve failed drastically and I’ve had to take the same tests over and over again. Other trials, I’ve conquered with flying colors. These are the ups and downs of a walk with Christ. I’ve fallen, slid back, came back strong and messed up again.
Being a public figure with the normal pressures of life added, is likely my biggest challenge. I can say I love God, but if I fall, it doesn’t “look” like I love God. So, when I say things like “God is moving and it’s blowing my mind”, I have to explain so much of my backstory otherwise, one might assume that I’m meeting Christ for the first time.
That was my premise.
I want to record a Gospel album. That’s crazy to me. I’ve always been so opposed to creating things specifically for those who are trying to live a life after Christ. I’ve always said, “Let me create for the ones who don’t know Him. Let me be an example of a ‘real’ human being who honors Him in my actions.” You know what happened? I fell flat on my face in front of the whole world. God had to show me that what I do for the kingdom isn’t for “me” to shine but it’s for “Him” to shine. My life is going to show a CRAP LOAD of failures. If my mistakes are proof that God is real, then so be it. The nine year old me, never would have thought that Christians struggle. I thought they were perfect and perfect was how I planned to live me life. I thought THAT was how souls would be introduced to the love of Christ.
My image became so tainted and bruised. I made so many mistakes. My life turned up side down. I’d been so hurt. I was hit with blemishes and I couldn’t hide them. I had the whole world to see and gawk and COMMENT.
Over last two years I’ve gotten to know God like never before. My latest “fail” broke me to the core. I knew something this time. This time I knew that I had to stop trying to be perfect. I had to let go and let God. Refusing to despise what God allowed, I kept my face at His feet. I covered my ears from the noise and replaced it with the music and the books, speeches and movies His children make. It was the first time in my life where I really realized why Gospel artists create gospel music. They create for everyday people like you and me who are imperfect. People who fall. People who make mistakes. We are all human and looking to God to make us whatever He desires. We all seek purpose. We all want to be on the right path. For the first time in my life, I stopped worrying about trying to be perfect for others and I let my walls down. It was time for me to be human and let God be God.
In life everyone has highs and lows. People don’t look for an “example” to follow when they’re on top. They look for it when they’ve fallen. I could have spent the last year and a half asking God “why me” or “how could this happen” but instead, I asked Him, “where are you?” And “what do you need from me?”.
What I heard was “music”. I heard music and encouragement and compassion. I wrote speeches and created bible studies. I wrote books and created workshops. God poured so much into me while I was on the floor at His feet and I couldn’t believe it. He needed me to know what it really meant to be “down” so that I could know what my gift was for.
Every human has that “thing”. God gives it to you. You fail. You make mistakes but when you get back up, you remember that thing deep inside of you. Your gift. This is the first time in my life where I’m realizing just what my gift is for. I had to go low and rub my face in the concrete so I could see how human I am, and how particular God was when He made me, my flaws and my gift.
I used to think, “well, people have tough lives and so they need to be entertained”. While that’s true, what is also true is, people are in the middle of spiritual warfare, oppression and loss. They don’t just need a feel good time, they need the power of the Holy Ghost to lift them out of the very pit of hell.
I was able to experience depression, loss, the deepest hurt and absolute rejection. I can now speak to those experiences with absolute and complete assurance. I have victory over those places and spaces. I can pray somebody out of that. I can direct somebody out of that.
My gifts are about to be used in a way they haven’t been. There will be those who appreciate what I’ve contributed in the past. I’m grateful. But, this next phase of my life will heal the lost, comfort and heal the broken. This next phase will lift the depressed out of a dark hole and into the light of Christ.
All things are working for my good. God is intentional and He never fails. What was meant to break me has now only strengthened me and my walk. I’m so grateful to those who tried to pull me down. God has shown me what His faithfulness means.
If you are in the fight of your life and you’ve submitted your life to Christ, I want to encourage you to keep pressing. Continue to honor God in your actions. He knows just how much you can handle. He knows just how much you can take. Hold on the the word that He’s placed in your heart. He will come thru. In this season of what seems like winter, the Father is planting seeds. When the frost clears and the Spring time comes, everything He planted in you is going to spring forth. The kingdom is going to welcome new flowers, new trees and new life. He’s going to use your testimony to lift people up who are going thru what you have conquered.
Be encouraged today family. We are King’s Kids. There is so much in store. Hold on to Gods unchanging hands. You’ve seen me go thru. You’ve watched what I’ve endured. Stay on your face before the Father. Study your word every day. Keep praise on your lips and expect the comfort of the King. You’ll get thru this, no matter what it looks like to the world. God is hand crafting your testimony and you will bless the kingdom on the other side.
For me? It’s music, and writing and empowering, uplifting workshops. It’s a few other things I’ve got up my sleeve, He’s placed on my heart. For you? Pay attention. He wants to heal you and then share with you how to be used by Him. Listen. He speaks. Get quiet before Him. He’s there. He walks with you. I know He walks with me.
Look at your neighbor and say, “Stay Tuned! God’s about to blow your mind!”
Love you so,